A little ray of hope.
For the first time in my adult life, I am in the black. No mortgage. An unused overdraft. An unused credit limit on a little used credit card – always paid off at the end of the month. The amount I have stashed in the bank exceeds the debt I am still paying off on a car and bike I no longer own. That will soon be gone. My super is mounting up nicely. I can afford to transfer a few dollars to my girls now and then.
My stash probably not yet enough to last long in the real world, but having it gives me a positive feeling. I need at least that one thing. I have feck all else to be positive about at present.
I am pretty well paid. I have no living expenses except for food and entertainment at present. Not even medical. That is the only reason I haven’t packed up and left. Despite the perks, this job is not exactly a gravy train. Living out here comes at a social and emotional cost. My optimism when I came here has been overtaken by reality. The beauty of my surroundings is negated by the bleakness of my outlook. This depression business is more difficult to get out of than I thought. Medication is not a cure, it merely helps one to cope. I want to do more than cope. I want to enjoy life again. At present I don’t think I can do that here. For every step forward I take, I find a stumbling block. Nevertheless I shall keep on trying. Maybe my early thoughts on the potential long-term outcome of my efforts here was not too optimistic. Perhaps I still can make a small difference.
I’ve just realised that if I head back to NZ. I shall have to get rid of a load of stuff again, probably including Zeus the dog. And my Landcruiser. – Or perhaps not. Wait a sec…
I have just filled out an on-line form for a quote to have it shipped from Fremantle to Wellington. We shall see. It would be good to have an outback-fit 4WD in NZ. Maybe shipping it will be more economical than selling it cheap and buying something over there. It all boils down to Money. I need to get as much as I can. Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash.
Your love gives me such a thrill
But your love won’t pay my bills
I need money…