Oh, Crap.

A park representative has just come round door to door to check that everyone has toilet paper. Apparently young thieves have been going round stealing it. The shortage is becoming less amusing and more a matter of wonderment. The codes on the park facility doors have been changed, and they are offering to supply anyone who has been caught short.

Kind. But I have a stock I have not needed to use since I moved here. Don’t tell anyone.

It could make me a target.


asked me how I knew

I had COVID flu

Oh, oh oh

I could not reply

I’d run out of three ply

And couldn’t leave the loo



said you’ll have to find

Something else for your behind

Oh, oh, oh

when your ring’s on fire

i told them that I chose

To use the garden hose


So I chaffed them and I gaily laughed

To think they could catch me out

But today my paper went away

There are young thieves about


Now laughing friends deride

Tears I can not hide

Oh, oh, oh

So I smile and say

When things don’t go as planned

Crap gets on your hand

Crap. Gets. On. Your. Hand!

Author: Uisce úr

Though I am old with wandering Through hollow lands and hilly lands, I will find out where she has gone, And kiss her lips and take her hands; And walk among long dappled grass, And pluck till time and times are done, The silver apples of the moon, The golden apples of the sun.

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